pieces of me
Memoirs of a Past Life Tourist
Angels of Another Kind
When the ones we love leave us for a time and wait on the other side of the veil, I wonder…. If they could come back for a visit, maybe a dozen years long, wrapped up in fur and unconditional love, wouldn’t they do that very thing?
Wouldn’t they sit on our laps and patiently wait for our attention?
Wouldn’t they love us unconditionally and bring comfort when we need it most.
And don’t you think, the ones we love might want to frolic and play with us, with greater abandon than they could while walking on two feet.
We sometimes recognize them when we see them. The softness in their gaze and the remembered embrace, it reaches out to us and we fall instantly in love. We don’t need words or long explanations. We just need to spend a little more time together before we can spend eternity.
The Dawning of the Aging Aquarian
I slept in this morning. Well, it was nearly 8 AM when I got up, which for me is sleeping in. I arose feeling quite self-satisfied with my lazy morning, walked into the bathroom and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I froze, startled. WTF?
“Who are you and what have you done with Brenda?”
And then I realized this was really me. Again, WTF? When did I get so old? And why do I look so dang tired? Oh right. I passed that ½ century mark a couple of years back, which also surprises the heck out of me.
They say that 50 is the new 35. I have no idea who they are, but I am guessing they must be around my age. Even though age shouldn’t matter and it’s just a number and all of that logical stuff people (I) spew every day, if they tell me that I can be the new 35 I will eagerly jump on that bandwagon, baby!
You see, I feel like I’m 17 years old. Or maybe 26. 35 at the most. I still love listening to loud rock and roll and dancing <awkwardly> in my kitchen to the music. I refuse to wear Mom jeans and embrace most new fashions (as long as they don’t involve side boobs, butt cracks or anything that itches). I am excited by new technology and I strive to learn something new every day. I love Saturday Night Live and watch it faithfully, though I do PVR it because who can stay up that late anymore?
I may be growing older but I refuse to grow up. It blows my mind that in 15 years or less I will be thinking about retiring. I wonder what will happen to the Assisted Living and Care facilities when we 35-year-old 50 somethings begin to show up, refusing to wear polyester or get our hair fashioned into blue helmets. I wonder if they will play real music in the recreation room, or if the piped in elevator music will still be a thing. And I wonder if we will ever go gracefully into the aging process.
I doubt it.
I plan to carry on with the exuberance of my youth still clinging to me like a faithful shadow. Others may see the softening edges and silver threads of age on me, but I will continue to bring my curiosity and wonder to every new day.
And there is a wonderful gift that comes with getting older. With the earned wisdom and perspective of age I now no longer give a damn what anyone thinks of me. This is the most liberating thing I’ve ever experienced and I highly recommend it to everyone.
So, if any of you young whippersnappers are reading this, take the advice of this old lady: Start now. Let go of the belief that what others think of you matters. It doesn’t. Chances are they are so busy thinking about themselves that they don’t have time to think about you at all. Besides, what they think of you is none of your business.
Last week while viewing the 40th Anniversary SNL special I watched the parade of alumni proudly showing up in their aging authenticity and realized that there is beauty in every stage of our lives. We just need to show up and be who we are, regardless of how long we are in the teeth. Sir Paul still hits those falsetto high notes, Jane Curtin still delivers the best Weekend Update ever, and Betty White is still a sexy beast at the ripe age of 90-something.
I hear that’s the new 50.
I’ll Be There For You
Is there anything more fun and, let’s face it, accurate than a Facebook quiz?
Wait a sec… yeah you’re right. There are lots of things more fun and accurate. From predicting the time of our death (April 17, 2048) to letting us know who we were in a past life (Cleopatra) to telling us what kind of tree we are (Pink Dogwood) Facebook quizzes are typically a colossal waste of time and energy.
And yet… sometimes… I just can’t stop myself.
So when I see this quiz that will tell me which character from Friends I am I can’t resist. I begin the quiz in earnest, answering each new question with as much insight and honesty as I can. For years I have been convinced that I am Rachel. Carefree career gal who knows her own mind and can make it on her own, Rachel is Mary Tyler Moore for a new generation and I adore her.
I sure hope I’m Rachel!
But then I have to be honest with myself. There is a whole lot of Monica in me. A bit OCD with an insecure, awkward and overweight teenage girl living inside, I admit to liking things “just so” and will have trouble falling asleep if they are askew. Also, I love to cook and get a bit obsessive with the preparation of feasts and such.
I bet I’m Monica.
And then there’s Phoebe. Who am I kidding? I channel dead people and believe that cats can communicate with me. Plus I tend to make up weird song lyrics, mostly about bodily functions. (I would expand on this, but might lose my PG rating. But seriously, I wrote one that is eerily similar to her classic “Little Black Curly Hair”).
So yeah, for sure. I must be Phoebe.
When it comes down to it I can tell that I am a mix of all three. The confidence that I lack as Monica I gain from my inner Rachel who knows I can do anything I set my mind to. And the Monica in me keeps me organized and cleans my house, taming my inner control freak that really wants to be in charge of everything. Phoebe swoops in and my career path becomes all about Angels and Past Lives and crazy Woo Woo stuff. Suddenly I am that crazy hippy chick who doesn’t seem so crazy anymore.
Yeah. I’m Phoebe.
Or Monica.
Maybe Rachel?
I push the button that will finally, inexorably settle the dilemma once and for all: Click here for your results…..
Yeah. I’m Joey.
Apparently, Brenda doesn’t share food.
How YOU doin’?
Take Time
Painting by Alisa Wilcher
Take time to replenish yourself. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.
Burn Baby Burn
“Hey”.
“Good morrow, Bro”.
“Did you hear about Moses?”
“Who? That serious guy? Long beard? Naw. What’s up?”
“He claims some bush burst into flames then started talking to him.”
“Shut up. What a load of yak crap.”
“Right?”
“Dude, did he drink the bong water?”
“Dude, he definitely drank the bong water.”
And so it goes. This fairly historically accurate depiction of what must have been, is a scene as old as time. I know this scenario very well, from both sides. For the first few decades of my life I was quick to have conversations very much like it about anybody who had the audacity to be different. Seriously, what kind of woo woo nonsense were they on about? Are they so out of touch with reality?? Don’t they know they look like fools?
And then I smelled something burning.
Okay, relax. Put away the pitchforks and drop the stones. I am in no way correlating myself to Moses. I have no beard, I have never knowingly parted any body of water and I have not< yet> set my people free. Nope. Nothing in common at all.
Except that burning bush.
I speak in metaphors of course. My burning bush came in the subtler way of whispers and signs. But it most certainly came. It all began with the death of a dear friend, quite suddenly in my arms. Apparently trauma has a way of breaking us open and once that happens we can often experience something that is both devastating and beautiful. You see, we expand where we are cracked and if we don’t fall apart, our light begins to shine out of the places where we have been broken open.
And as our lights grow brighter we become aware of the magic. It’s been there all along but we couldn’t see it with our judgy, human eyes. But now that we have better illumination we can see the sparkly bits and hear the jingly sounds. We realize buddy Bill Shakespeare was right when he so eloquently said that “there are more things on heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy”.
That’s when we start to bloom. And grow. Our light gets ever brighter and we can no longer pretend not to see the unseen. It becomes who we are and we are compelled to share what we have learned, despite the fact that we will likely become the fodder of gossips and butt of jokes. It doesn’t matter to us what anybody thinks, because out paradigm has been shifted and we have a new version of the truth.
And if we follow the calling of this new paradigm, we do things like take Past Life Regression workshops, and Reiki classes. We even start giving Angel Card Readings …. in public!
My Dad told me that in the not too distant past I would have been burned at the stake for what I believe and practice. He mentioned that right before asking me to do some of my “witchy stuff” on his sore leg. In case you might be wondering the Reiki worked, and though he was never a doubter, Dad came a bit closer to being a believer in that unseen force.
The burning bush comes to different people in different ways. Nobody was more surprised than I was when I felt compelled to start working with the Angels. Buttoned up, corporate, serious Brenda was shocked. But I have learned that listening to the whispers is infinitely easier than getting the divine kick in the butt that comes when we ignore what calls us. The message I’ve been getting seems to be a universal one and is simply this: Be authentic. No more hiding behind the mask you think society/family/friends expect you to wear. Whatever that is and whoever you are, be that. Because you are enough just as you are. Strip away the trappings and be bravely, uniquely, you.
I share what I have learned openly and with love. Those who get it, get it. Those who don’t will continue to believe that I drank the bong water. And that’s okay. Because more and more I am receiving those tender, private messages from people quietly inching out of their own spiritual closet. We chat about all of those things they don’t feel safe telling anyone else just yet. And they let me know that by putting my crazy on display I have helped them to know they aren’t alone. For that I am infinitely grateful. For that I will proudly let my freak flag fly.
The Tao of Enzo
“I don’t understand why people insist on pitting concepts of evolution and creation against each other. Why can’t they see that spiritualism and science are one? That bodies evolve and souls evolve and the universe is a fluid package that marries them both in a wonderful package called a human being. What’s wrong with that idea?” Garth Stein, The Art of Racing in the Rain
The Present
Each of us has a unique gift we were born to share.
Today is the perfect day to unwrap it.
The Love Revolution
“There’s a new world somewhere, they call the promised land”. These words have echoed in my mind, unbidden, on many occasions in the past few years like some echoed message from the ethers, always making me just stand up and pay attention. I am not one to latch onto the movement that is afoot that talks about the coming Ascension, DNA activation, Galactic councils or 5th Dimension stuff. This is not to say these things are not real, just that they are not resonating with me at this point. Who knows… tomorrow I may wake up with a whole new understanding about the situation, but for now I can only go by what my own experience has brought me.
There is a shift happening. Most definitely. I have no label for it, but here is what I am experiencing as the times change. I see archaic systems of government and business begin to exhibit greater and greater nastiness, ultimately to crumble. On a personal level I feel it in the way time sometimes seems to jump, past present future all balled up into one. I find myself having waves of sheer euphoria and connection and then on the opposite end of the spectrum, waves of desperation and fear. It feels like all of the old ego based stuff is bubbling to the surface so that it can finally be evicted for good. Relationships that have reached their expiry date are falling away with little or no effort. New relationships are forming with people who seem to have like minds and spirits. It is all very subtle, and yet not so subtle and it seems that once I turn my attention to what is happening it comes much more clearly into focus.
It appears to me that the earth is making the shift from fear into love. We are nearly at critical mass where we reach that perfect Tipping Point and humanity will be brought into a new paradigm where love, integrity, authenticity and compassion are the norm and fear, greed, competition and avarice are left behind. Sounds idyllic, don’t you think? Spiritual teacher Matt Kahn calls it the Love Revolution, and while I am usually not much into labels, this one is pretty awesome, so I am just going to go ahead and borrow it. Thanks Matt!
The Love Revolution begins with such simple steps. We start to hold kindness and compassion in our hearts instead of judgment and fear. Our words fall like gentle rain, they don’t resound like thunder. We realize how important it is to love ourselves first, and that love becomes the message we bring to the world. After awhile we notice that our energetic vibrations become the ones that uplift an entire room when we walk in. People are suddenly drawn to us and want to be near, though they don’t know why.
And then things begin to occur to us. Things like, Wow this is a mighty big waste of sweet Mother Earth putting all of this lawn here. What say we dig that up and plant some seeds and grow some food. That way we get good, organic food to eat plus we stop wasting water on growing grass and stop supporting the senseless shipping of food from places so very far away. A local economy begins to make so much sense to us, and wait just one minute! Let’s stick some solar panels on the roof and see if we can’t begin to get off this nasty fossil fuel energy grid.
Tell me the truth. Am I turning into a hippy?
Yeah. I thought so.
We all chose to come to earth at this most interesting time in our evolution as humans. We are spiritual beings having a human experience and we are waking up to this fact in droves. And as we awaken we begin to remember that we are all connected and that collaboration and cooperation are the only things that make sense. Competition becomes irrelevant as we follow our hearts and are guided to compassion and kindness. We begin to be led by the workings of our hearts and not by the thinking of our minds. And as we shift our perception, this new energy joins with the great invisible grid of connection that we are all plugged into and we elevate the hearts of everyone else.
If the only thing you do in a day is to follow your own joy, then understand that you have done enough. Your role can be as easy as that. Or if you really want to join in the fun, just simply reach your hand out and see who needs to grasp it. There will always be someone reaching back.
Just ask Tom Springfield and The Seekers.
There’s a new world somewhere
They call The Promised Land
And I’ll be there some day
If you will hold my hand
I still need you there beside me
No matter what I do
For I know I’ll never find another you
It is a Love Revolution, baby! Let’s Dance!
I’ve Got Your Back
When self doubts descend I turn to my family and friends. They always believe in the beauty of my dreams, even when I don’t.
Can I be that someone for you?
A Spiritual Feast
In my quest for the Truth, I sample from the dishes presented, finding tastes of wisdom along the way. Each new flavor adds layers to my experience. With each new bite I find myself closer to satisfied but always aware that the banquet is endless. I feast with my senses and keep only those wonders that leave a good taste behind.
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